On Facebook, Megachurches, and Brevity

Published on by mbcoudal

Episcopal priest and social media expert, Tom Ehrich, began his talk on social media with a bunch of paper handouts — extremely gloomy charts showing the steady and certain downward march in Episcopal church attendance.

“The world of the 1950s ended a long time ago but churches hung onto it. We are the corner hardware store in a Home Depot world,” Ehrich said. People laughed uncomfortably.

For the record, I still love corner hardware stores. I like to say “Gene Doubray” (dzień dobry) to the Polish guys who own the hardware store on 72nd Street. I have never been in a Home Depot. But I like their commercials that show older women as experts. I digress, back to last week’s luncheon. Here are my takeaways:

Facebook

How does Facebook work? “No one knows.” (Someone must know!) “Facebook is a mystery. Facebook tells your friends ‘Here’s what I’m caring about today.'”

Update your church’s Facebook frequently and recruit people to attend your church. Inviting doesn’t work; recruiting does (recruting always sounds militaristic to me).

Give people what they want. When people come to a church they may have questions. But the questions they have will be ones about their own lives — “Should I send my kid to private or public school?” they ask. They don’t ask, “What is your Sunday school like?” Ehrich said. True, true.

Create buzz. Let churches “touch people,” not “create members.” True.

Why do restaurants in New York not have to advertise? Restaurants get business by generating buzz, Ehrich said.

Megachurches

Getting people to attend Sunday worship is not enough. Churches have to be open 7 days/24 hours a day.

“Sunday is for tourists,” Ehrich said. He gave an example that Rick Warren’s megachurch, Saddleback Church, has its real worship on Wednesday nights, not Sundays.

“The Megachurch is not the enemy. They have methods that work. They greet newcomers. Train leaders.” Warren’s goal was to start 2,000 new small groups in a year; that is, 20,000 new members.

Megachurch Willow Creek sends an email newsletter that reaches 3 million readers. (I’m not sold on e-newsletters.) In his weekly Willow Creek e-newsletter, Bill Hybels, the founder, has passion and enthusiasm for upcoming sermon.

In his e-newsletters, Hybels writes, “Please come. If you can’t come, please pray for me.” That is cool. (How often do grown men asked to be prayed for? Love it!)

Full disclosure: for several months as a teenager in Park Ridge, Illinois, I was a part of Son City, which Bill Hybels founded. It was really fun. I don’t remember him specifically, but I remember that I sang rockin’ Christian songs in a big auditorium. I’m not a singer, but I remember thinking I sounded really good. I loved the idea of Son City, especially when I heard rumors that kids were allowed to run around and have chicken-fights in the church aisles of the South Park Church. I digress.

Digression on blogs may be unnecessary.

Brevity

Ehrich was a proponent of brevity. On Twitter: “140-character limit is magic,” Ehrich said.

Ehrich blogs daily. I love that. His word limit is 100 words. My blog posts tend to exceed that. (This one’s up to 560!). A blog doesn’t need to be friendly but can establish you as an expert. (I wonder if my blog(s) are making me an expert at anything.)

Another takeaway: Social media is a good tool for networking but not for controling. And these luncheons are definitely good for networking and sparking lively conversations about religion and media.

Ehrich’s blog and web pages can be found at: http://www.morningwalkmedia.com

The November RCC (Religion Commnicators Council) luncheon was held near the United Nations at the Episcopal building on 43rd and 2nd. The RCC luncheons and events are always provocative.

Blue Cliff Monastery

Published on by mbcoudal3 Comments

On the mindfulness walk, I took out my phone to snap this picture. The Buddhist sisters were ahead of me on the walk. I looked at my phone and realized that I had email. And so at a Buddhist monastery on a sunny daylong retreat I found myself checking my email.  (I had to resist posting my status on Facebook and Twitter. “On a walk in the woods with my Buddhist sisters.”)

I like to be inundated. I like to be overwhelmed. I like MORE. I came to Blue Cliff Monastery for less. For a few hours one day to let go of the swirling storm of my life.

In the morning, I sat cross-legged in this beautiful, big, bright, meditation hall. I love rules for life. And while I noticed I could not sit as still as the monastic brothers and sisters on the mats near me, I got so much out of the message. 

This was the dharma talk from the teacher and founder of the monastery, Thich Nhat Hahn. It was a message videotaped a few days earlier from his talk while traveling in Thailand (I think):

##

1. Be aware of breath
2. Follow breath
3. Be aware of body
4. Release tension
5. Generate joy
6. Generate happiness
7. Be aware of pain
8. Release pain

The first four focus on the body; the next four on feelings. If pain is great, practice five and six. How to create happiness and joy? Let go. It is possible right here and right now.

Happiness can come when you 1) let go and 2) are mindful. 

Mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha. You can be mindful of your eyes. With your eyes you can see the paradise before you (all of the colors). You can be mindful of your heart, beating all the time. With awareness of your heart, you can be grateful for it.

But they do not sell mindfulness at the market, you must generate it.

Joy and happiness can always be possible.

Pain is like the baby, crying. We do not hit, suppress, fight with baby. We embrace, we hold the baby with tenderness. It will lessen the suffering, the pain.

There is no reason to be afraid of strong emotion. Strong emotion is like a storm. It will come. It will pass. Young people need to know this. We are more than one emotion. Bring attention to the “in breath” and the “out breath.” Give attention to the abdomen. Touch the rise and fall of your breath. Go down there. Breathe in and out. In a storm, the tops of trees sway, but the trunk (the belly, below the naval) stays strong.

Practice five minutes of deep breathing every day for two weeks. It will then become a habit.

###

This was the guidance from Thich Nhat Hahn’s talk. The 30 of us then stood in a circle outside and sang a few songs with hand motions. We took the mindfulness walk. We ate a warm vegan meal in silence. Then the bells tolled (I thought of visiting the Taize monastery and the tyrrany of the bells! https://mbcoudal.wordpress.com/2009/10/28/taize-service-my-guys/).  

After the bells, we could talk a little with those sitting near us. Then I sat alone in the sunshine. And yes, I checked my email again!

Then we, the group from the United Methodist Church, sat in a circle and shared the meaning of the day so far. How Jesus was like Buddha. How to practice compassion and Christianity. How to live in community. How to and of what to let go.

The sharing was deep, powerful, honest. It was a wonderful day. The brothers and sisters invited everyone to come again for the weekend or for a day of mindfulness or for a holiday. I would like to go again. But next time, I will leave my phone in the car.  

This retreat was organized by the wonderful Mandy Iahn, a United Methodist pastor who has found peace visiting the monastery. She is a part of the Commission on Christian Unity and Interfaith Concerns, CCUIC.

I saw this retreat listed in the New York Annual Conference newsletter, which promised, “This opportunity is being offered to promote peace and understanding between ourselves and our Buddhist brothers and sisters.  You will learn about Buddhist traditions and practices, have a silent meal with the monks and nuns of Bluecliff, and connect with God and yourself as you spend the day at this peaceful place.” 

http://bluecliffmonastery.org/

Ode to Hugs

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

Oh hugs! I love you!

Eight hugs a day!

The baby reaches out her arms and wails awaiting her morning hug and mother’s milk.

And in the evening hours, awaiting sleep and a cup of tea, the grandmother reaches for her glasses and receives a lapful of cat, purring, snuggling, burrowing in for the night.

Bishop Minerva Carcaño hugs Community Developer Elva Michal.

Baby, grandmother, and all in between: hugs for all, eight hugs a day!

I wrote this last night in my Number One Son’s literature class. The middle school offers Riverdale Reads, an English class experience for parents and families. Like the middle schoolers, we studied odes by Sophocles, John Keats, and Pablo Neruda.

Yes, we read an Ode to French Fries and an Ode to the Artichoke! So brilliant! So fun!

So in line with my life rule #2 Escape through literature.  https://mbcoudal.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/rule-2/

NaNoWriMo Takes Off Without Me!

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

Okay, my beloved NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) started on November 1st. What?!! Already! I wasn’t ready. I was tired that first night. And last night was Election Night and I had book club. Does it sound like I’m making excuses? Well excuse me. What? Do I sound defensive?

Here’s the truth: I really don’t want to start another novel this November until I finish the one I wrote one last year for NaNoWriMo. (And I did win NaNoWriMo last year!) But it might not win a Booker Prize (and I might have to be English any way to win that prize).

When I looked at the novel again, I thought, it’s not bad. It’s kinda good. When one of my twins woke up early yesterday morning, she found me with my novel, tentatively called “The Missing Twin,” spilled out in front of me on the kitchen table. Charlie asked if she could read it.

So I read Charlie a few pages from the middle of the book.

“It’s good,” she said. “Although you should add more details.”  My kid is brilliant. She’s so right. I have to add more details!

Here’s a little bit of the novel from around page 51: (Don’t judge yet, it’s only a second draft. And I need to add more details.)

We were approaching the stop light at the corner of West End and 72nd. A white van slowed and pulled up beside to our cab. The driver wore dark sunglasses. He lifted a piece of paper.

The sign read, “I’ve got her.”

“Jordy!” I meant to yell. But it came out like a whisper. I slunk down.

“What?”  He was still looking at the picket line. “I think I see Angela, our cleaning lady, there.”

I slunk even lower and pointed at the white van.

Jordan looked. He laughed. “That’s weird.”

“Weird? That’s scary. What if he means Elise?” I asked.

I glanced back at the van. The man’s sign read, “I’m wearing panty hose.” The traffic started and the van rode ahead of us.

“Oh my God, a minute ago, he had another sign. It said, ‘I’ve got her.’ I’m worried about Elise,” I could hardly speak.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jordan said.

“I did,” I said. Jordan pulled a pad from his pocket and wrote the license number AGS 254. The van turned on 74th Street. We turned on 77th Street. I sat up in the cab. I told myself to breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

United Nations Meditation Room

Published on by mbcoudal3 Comments

I was headed to the Church Center for the United Nations to spend a day with peacemakers but in the crush of 42nd Street I ran into a group for whom I’d led a communications training a couple of days earlier.

I pointed them in the right direction (they were heading towards Fifth Avenue instead of First Avenue). In gratitude, they offered me an extra ticket to their United Nations tour. I’d done the tour a few times, but it is ALWAYS different and always great, led by some brilliant international young person.

Our guide was the super-smart, super-gorgeous Jali, an Egyptian mother and artist who was a tad bit disillusioned with the effectiveness of sovereignties who fail to implement the UN resolutions. 

Extremely powerful– one of the last exhibits on the tour is the one on landmines. This is the heartbreaking reality — the landmines look like yoyos and rocks. So ten years after a war has ended, who picks up the yoyo or rock hoping to play? Children.

They are the ones maimed and killed by landmines. And even though 11 years ago, 156 nations signed the UN Ban Mines Treaty, China, Russia, and the United States have not joined. Ugh! So embarrassing to be an American when you hear this.

I chatted with Jali about the UN, her art, raising children in NYC. I said good bye. I will probably never see her again.

I started to walk out of the UN to get to the church center meeting, but I spotted a group of women. They were as pretty as water lilies floating in a Matisse painting. I walked towards them. They departed by the elevator, and I was left standing in front of the UN Meditation Room which is right beside the Marc Chagall peace window.

Despite my love for the UN and the many times I’ve been there, I never knew there was a chapel in the UN. It was dark but for a couple of shafts of light. There are so many faiths around the world that the chapel is intentionally free of symbolism. The beams of natural light are the symbols. Oh, and there is a slab in the center of the small space. It reminded me of the sacrifice stone upon which Aslan, the lion and Christ figure,  is sacrificed in the movie, “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.” It is a big stone in a small room. The big rock and its sacrifice altar quality — made me uncomfortable. I tried to focus on the shafts of light.

I wanted to sit a while. The space reminded me of one of the favorite churches I’ve visited — the Louise Nevelson chapel. https://mbcoudal.wordpress.com/2010/08/18/the-gospel-according-to-louise-nevelson/

But, as often happens, some tourists walked into my sanctuary. (Note to self: Learn to love the tourists.)

I also have to admit I consistently feel ridiculous and indulgent sitting quietly in churches. I know there is work to be done. Kids to provide for. Articles to write. Work meetings to report on. Phone calls to make. Emails to read.

Why should I get to sit quietly in the middle of the day contemplating sacrifice, land mines, spirituality, peace, my own sanity? Then again, why should I not? I take in a church a day the way other people have a cigarette break.

My church a day visits are my break. I could do a lot worse.


– Dag Hammarskjöld

ABC Producer

Published on by mbcoudal1 Comment

At any given luncheon, there are three factors I consider:

1. What’s to eat?

2. Who do you sit with?

3. Is the speaker interesting?

The answer to these questions are:

1. Wraps, chips, cookies.

2. Pat Pattillo from National Council of Churches. Good conversationalist.

3. Yes, substantive. Jeanmarie Condon, senior producer for ABC News Nightline.

Before I head to another luncheon, let me post a few takeaways from last week’s RCC* luncheon.

1. Take Religion Seriously

When making a documentary about Waco TX, Condon learned the big mistake in law enforcement was that they didn’t take the religious beliefs of the Branch Davidians seriously. This ignorance is lethal. “Mainstream media ignored the religious content.”

“When Chilean miners got down on their knees to thank God for their rescue, did the media tell this story?” Condon asked.

Yet the tides are turning. At this moment, people are paying attention to religion. Religion is relevant. After all, “God and money motivate people,” Condon said.

Condon produced a documentary, Jerusalem Stories, with Peter Jennings. It was unpopular with conservative Christians. Condon also made a documentary about St. Paul. (Presumably that one was more popular.)

She was asked for The Century Project, What was the most meaningful event of the 20th century? “The Iran Hostage Crisis,” Condon concluded. That event ushered in the Islamic Revolution but started as a secular movement. Due to a vacuum of power, Khomeni moved in. And so, too, the West Bank and free media for Palestinians. “What started as a conflict over land was taken over by religious leaders.”

2.  Cover Religious Content with Respect

The wrong way to approach religion in the media is “from a quaint anthropolgical perspective. ‘Look what they believe and what they do,'” Condon said. Rather, “Have respect for all perspectives. Do not look at religion from the outside in. Look at it from the inside out.” Peter Jennings established the religion beat (Terry Moran, educated at Notre Dame, among others at ABC News, like Condon, are continuing to cover religion.)

When Condon traveled with Peter Jennings to the Church of Holy Sepluchre. “We were watching religious pilgrims touching the stone (where people claim Jesus’s body was anointed before his burial). He (Jennings) was crying.”

3. Make A Good Story

Condon said three things are essential:

1. Character
2. Narrative
3. Access

“A character is a person or group of people interesting enough to write a short story about.”

The narrative is the story — with a beginning, middle and end — wherein the characters are compelled to take a journey.

By access, Condon means Nightline has to have uncensored time with the character, even if the subject of the profile is Hilary Clinton.

Condon produced a documentary on the search for the Real Jesus (using chants and Bob Dylan music). She also created a special setting out to uncover any facts upon which the novel, The DaVinci Code, was based.

“No truth to it…Mary Magdalene was probably a wealthy businesswomen,” Condon said.

A recent example of a good story? Nightline learned that Christian pastors from the Congo were performing excorisms. “We went and investigated.” The story uncovered abuses by the parents, the pastors, and the overarching need for medical care for kids there. It’s this kind of investigative story Nightline does so well. And perhaps the reason Nightline is the Number One late night show with four and a half million viewers.

Another recent religion story from ABC was their town hall meeting about Islam where the variety of Islamic pundits and practioners showed that Islam is as diverse as Christianity.

Good luncheon = Good food. Good table. Good speaker.

***

*RCC = Religion Communicators Council.

The locations of the monthly meetings of the New York Chapter of the RCC rotate. The October meeting was held in a windowless meeting room of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints.

I did it!

Published on by mbcoudal3 Comments

I got up early on Sunday and ran (and walked) my first 5K. Joanna had invited me to join her and we’d run together (and walked together) before. I believe I’ve mentioned that I love working out with friends. Such a great, cheap way to be together, to talk, and to encourage one another.

We were a part of the http://www.rogosin.org/westbankrun/info.php (You can still sponsor me. I had to raise $100.)

The run benefited Rogosin, this kidney disease foundation. My friend Lois at work has been hospitalized with serious kidney problems after a world church meeting in Scotland. So I ran for Lois.

But honestly, it’s like the moral of last week’s episode of Glee. You say you’re helping someone, but you’re really helping yourself. The something in it for me was brunch at the end of the run. I love the West Bank Cafe, the run’s sponsor, on 42nd Street. After signing up, I realized I wouldn’t be able to stay for brunch. I’d have to book up to Charlotte’s soccer game in Central Park upon finishing.

It was a beautiful, clear day and the run was lovely, easy. (I will admit that we were slow). But I just liked getting out there, running along the West Side highway and the Hudson River. There were probably 50 of us.

My goal was simply to finish in less than one hour. I did it! I ran 5K in 41 minutes. That’s 3.1 miles, giving me a 13:17 pace. Next time, I can strive to beat it. I was thinking of Lois when I ran.

I have worked with Lois for a long time, since the early 90s. I think it’s fair to say both she and I can get impassioned, and therefore, occasionally, a little difficult. Yet I have always had a huge and deep-seated respect for Lois. Her intelligence, her wit, her kindness!

She has always fought the good fight and stood up for people who are marginalized — mainly, women and children. And maybe not just stood up for them, but run with them. Walked with them. Befriended them. Because they are us. And there’s something in it for us.

I really should sign up for another 5K, before I lose my mojo. And my goal is sometime, to run the whole way.

Go for the truth or a laugh?

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

Hayden , my 13-year old, told me this morning that he wants to be a Yes Man!

“Yes! I like that! I want to be a Yes Woman!” I said. I want to say Yes to each and every day.

Even if I have to take my life in a totally different direction than what is offered, I want to accept every offer!  And say Yes!

Like most great life lessons, I learned this one doing improv comedy.

I was a part of the CBGB Gallery Improv company. Back in the early 90s, when CBGB existed, we performed improv every Wednesday night at the gallery next to the club. I met some of my best friends and comedy partners there.Our fearless leader –Karen Kristal  — would tell us, “Go for the truth. Don’t go for the Laff!” She would say laugh like that — like Laaaaffff, like an English person, although I’m pretty sure she was a New Yorker (New Yawka!).

We would say Yes, Yes, Yes to her. And then when the audience showed up and the lights went up, we’d go for the laugh.

That is the catch to being a Yes Person. You have to follow it up with some action.

I’ve learned this with my son, the Yes Man.

“Time for bed! Get off the computer!”

“Yes Mom!” And then, he doesn’t leave Facebook.

“Will you please help me clean this kitchen?”

“Yes Mom.” And then he never shows. Never turns off the XBox. At this point in the conversation, I would like to go for a laugh, but I have to go for the truth.

The truth is not as fun or as easy as the laugh. The truth, though, can lead to the laugh. (The laugh can lead to the truth.)

Either way, start by accepting the offer. Rule Number One in improv? Accept every offer. Say Yes!

Dark Love

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

“She’s black and beautiful and out of control,” that’s what Professor David Carr said about the woman in the vineyard. I was at a noontime Union Seminary chapel service learning about this passage from Song of Songs — good and juicy.

I sat there thinking my tame life rule, number 4, “Cultivate a Secret Garden” needs to grow wilder. Because we’ve got permission from these popular biblical wedding verses to color outside the lines and let our vineyards grow.

At first, when Professor Carr started talking about the conundrum of the woman, “black but/and beautiful” who was sun-kissed by her work in the fields, my mind wandered.

I squirmed, not wanting to listen to a lecture. I wanted to feel something and in that depth of feeling, be handed more patience for my life, at work and at home. (My husband leaves for India today, for relaxation and relief from his Parkinson’s Disease. God help me, I need patience.)

This service gave me that depth of patience with myself. Because the verses (Song of Songs, 1:6) proclaim power, permission, and meaning in deep, unlawful, passionate, mutual love affairs. (That’s what I heard any way. And I’m sticking to it.)

The Song of Songs sister whose fields grew wild required a love “that cannot be spoken of..an unsanctioned, forbidden love…a mystical, Afro-centric, erotic passion.” Wow! If this is seminary — sexy and permissive — sign me up!

My church-a-day foray definitely heated up this week. Professor Carr quoted the great American poet Audre Lorde to go beyond physical love. “Love — more than sexual love — may be queerest of all.”

Love is not easy.

Audre Lorde had said, “Of course, women so empowered are dangerous. So we are taught to separate the erotic from most vital areas of our lives other than sex.”

In other words, cultivate a garden, then let the roots and fruits grow deep and wild and free. The garden is a gift.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” (Song of Solomon, 1.)

Yes, the bible says all that. I’m going there.

Kids in Church

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

I was waiting for my daughters to finish a math tutoring session at Joan of Arc public school. (Joan of Arc is my hero —  I love that there’s a public school in NYC named for her!) I saw this church across the street.

It was Saturday afternoon and a lot of well-dressed people were mingling on the sidewalk. “Goody! A wedding!” I thought.

I entered the church. The sanctuary was paneled and low-ceiling-ed. Empty, except for a couple of girls who plucked keys on the piano. That was a bit annoying.

I sat for a minute, restless. As I was leaving, I heard a party going on in the basement. People sang, “feliz compleaños.”

I have to admit that the language barrier made me feel I wasn’t really a part of the action at this church. I wished I spoke Spanish, but I don’t. Not enough any way.

But then, something happened and for a moment, I  felt I belonged. See, this boy ran down some steps, fast like he owned the place. He stopped, stared and smiled. That’s it. A smile. That smile took off when words and language failed. I left uplifted.

I picked up the girls and we met friends. We hung out in the Bramble in Central Park, a beautiful and spiritual place.