February = Month of Self Love? or Self Loathe?

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bike riding in Switzerland last year. the layered look! (Shut Up! It was cold!)

It’s okay to hate your body. It’s not okay to love your body.

Or is it?

http://fitnesscheerleader.com A Twitter friend is encouraging women to talk about why they love their bodies during the month of February, a month dedicated to Valentines, flowers, chocolate, hetero love. I’m feeling squeamish about this.

Janice suggests we start with the words “I love myself because….” ugh! Now I’m feeling squeamish AND guilty. The good girl in me says, “Good girls don’t blow their own horns!” (During my workplace leadership academyhttp://gettingmyessayspublished.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/leading-with-positivity/ I learned there’s a book called, “Brag: How To Toot Your Own Horn Without Blowing It.” Sounds good!)

Another good girl, deeper down, says, “Oh go on! You want to model self love for your daughters and son. Besides, you do love yourself!”

I’m no expert, yet I know I’m not alone. It’s hard for me, and likely a lot of my friends, to take a compliment, accept our unique bodies, and discover that deep down we do love our bodies.

So here goes! Diving in! (Once you leap off the side of the pool, you can’t leap mid-air back to the edge!)

I love myself because I take good care of my body. I go for check ups regularly. I am healthy. (I had that little skin cancer thing last month, but got it fixed.)

I work out regularly. (I can practically run a 5K without stopping.) I ride my bike to work. I eat vegetables every night (almost) and fruits every morning (almost). I don’t drink too much (except on book club nights). I don’t smoke. I have a decent figure. I like my crow’s feet and my laugh lines ’cause they show I’ve lived and laughed and squinted.

I have pretty eyes, a laugh that my kids make fun of, a great smile. I have a certain creative thrift store style of dressing that I like. (See above. And yes, my daughters did submit me for the TV show, “What Not To Wear.”)

I have a lot of energy and enthusiasm. I can keep up with almost anyone on the dance floor. I will go so far as to say I can out-dance anyone, except a professional.

Best of all — My body made awesome babies! And my body nursed them each for practically a year! Yay me! I’m awesome.

Boy, that felt good. And now, I’m going to go hide. I’m going to find a hooded sweatshirt and zip up. I’m going to bury my face inside my turtleneck sweater (thrift-store style).

Because that feeling is emerging again:  good girls just don’t blog about how gorgeous they are. Or do they — Self love or self loathe? Let’s talk about it.

Just Do It

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I am a fan of gentleness. I should write a book about the gentle approach. I try to be easy on everyone — forgiving and kind. Especially myself. But not with running. I can’t be. I have to be unforgiving and unkind.

I have to just do it. The Nike ad is right. You don’t want to do it. But you have to. Because it works. Seriously.

I got my sorry self out of the house at around 9 yesterday morning, stepping over the kids’ snowpants and my own bad self esteem.

I headed down into Riverside Park to the river. The sidewalk was clear; the snow still clinging to the branches. I ran for 1.1 miles. And it took me 14 minutes! Yes. Beat that!

I stopped for bagels and strawberries for the fam on the way home. I seriously walked into the apartment giddy with happiness.

Running is a mood enhancer. I am going to sign up for a 5K in March with my kids and my coworkers (Join us — http://www.coogans.com/events/).

I am going to run slowly, but I am going to stay in the race. And I’ll be happy when I’m done.

Bowling in Brooklyn

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I ordered a beer. It came in a plastic cup from a bartender wearing a cumberbun. The Melody Lanes bowling alley is a place that time forgot.

See, the girls, a couple of their friends and I had gone out to Brooklyn by the Number Two train tonite. We met E. and W. at the Barnes and Noble on Court Street. E. drove through the Shlushpocalypse of Brooklyn to the bowling alley. In the car, we talked about kids’ ingratitude, unwritten books, blogs, plans to travel to France.

Right in front of Melody Lanes, there was a parking spot just waiting for us, as if we were rock stars. It looked crowded but we were at the front of the lane in no time. The woman behind the counter assigned us Lane 12. She reminded me of a beloved hall monitor from high school. Tough, but tender underneath. Brooklyn all the way.

We keyed our names into the electronic bowling screen. I chose my usual name Gorgeous. We girls enthusiastically cheered for one another if we ever managed to get a couple of pins down (and I’m talking the bumpers were up).

We ordered fries and nachos and burgers. Then I hit on the beer idea.

The bar was the highlight. Because the bartender, Pete, was schmoozing with someone. Just as I approached that irritation point, wondering, Is he ignoring me? There Pete was. Like he had ESP or something. It turns out Pete is very famous because there are 7 tips about Pete on Foursquare — the man is known for his cumberbun, his drink special and for being that “hilarious, eccentric, cursing bartender.”

The other highlight was on our way out, seeing a bunch of people dressed up like characters from The Big Lebowski, a movie I have never seen. But it looked good based on what the characters were wearing, especially the pregnant woman in the nude-colored body suit with the vines around her. She was Eve.

So that’s Saturday night in Brooklyn. None of us broke 100 (and again, we had bumpers!). I wish I had taken pictures to show you, but just imagine a 1950s bowling alley and then you’ve got the picture. http://www.notfortourists.com/LD.aspx/New-York/Nightlife/Melody-Lanes

The Tyranny of New

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I love writing a new blog post, love a new dress, love a new episode of “Modern Family.”

New, new, new. Wait. What’s so great about new? What if old, old, old is best? What if recycled is as good, if not better, than brand spankin’ new? Why not repurpose?

See, I was considering what to write for this week’s assignment for my Bootcamp for Journalists class at Media Bistro. We were supposed to visit a new museum exhibit or review a new restaurant. I could not get any where. I could not think. Then it occured to me — repurpose (I love this word!) a blog post from my Travelpod blog about me and the girls’ visiting the New York Times Travel Show last year. It’s coming up soon. The convention would be new to my readers! Genius! http://www.travelpod.com/members/mbcoudal

At the New York Times travel show at the Jacob Javits Center, we went to Indonesia — the woman at the booth was super nice. She gave the girls magnets of a rice field.

We went to Israel where we ate tasty olives and some kind of chips.

We dug sand art in the Caribbean.

We watched penguins waddle at Sea World.

We went scuba diving in a warm pool.

The girls ascended the climbing wall several times.

We danced with teenagers from South Africa.

I want to go back to the travel show again this year. It runs from February 25 to 27, 2011 http://www.nyttravelshow.com/ I hope they have some new exhibits.

And BTW, I don’t think it’s called plagarizing if you’re stealing from yourself. Then it’s called repurposing.

Find Your Run

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I told the kids we didn’t have to stay out long. We only had to take a walk. But I brought the sleds.

The secret is to finding a good sledding run, we discovered, is to head  to the Hudson River. It’s a mistake to stay up on Riverside Park by Riverside Drive. It gets crowded there. (Although it’s great for little kids.)

Down near the floating ice chunks of the Hudson, you can pound down your own awesome run. It does take time. And you may be distracted by the beauty of the scenery and so you chat with the cross country skier. (She was disappointed  that the Parks Department had done too good a job of clearing the pathways. She needed more snow for skiing.)

And the sun was melting the sidewalks too. Too much efficiency and too much sunshine — not good for the skier.  

The sledding was way fun. Almost as fun as the snowman (or snow woman) the kids made. I stamped my feet, watched the ice float down the Hudson. It had been my idea on this Snow Day when we were all off from school and work to go on this walk. But soon enough, I was ready to head back home to make hot chocolate and watch a movie. My feet were cold.

Rule #5 Expect the Best, Love What You Get

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I was inspired by “A Complaint Free World” by Will Bowen. So for a while, I gave up complaining. It was difficult. I felt like a Pollyanna, nodding politely while people complained about work, the weather, or their commute. I said nothing in return.

I do think complaining begets complaining. No one like a complainer. (And I tell my kids this, but it doesn’t stop them! Wait! I don’t want to start complaining about their complaining.)

In our Leadership Academy, last weekend, I discovered one of my strengths was labeled positivity. I felt negative about my positivity. Especially at work I have felt that coworkers believe me to be intellectually lightweight because I am optimistic and affirming.

At times in life it takes more intellectual energy to remain positive than to give in to a world of complaint. I have plenty to complain about. Believe me! I could start with the weather. It’s pouring snow again tonite. I just heard thunder!

But really, I’m sure someone (me?) can find something good in another snowstorm. I have to believe that Spring will arrive eventually. The hardships we now experience will seem distant.

The other morning I woke the kids, made them breakfast, got myself ready, got the kids out the door. I realized, too late, one of the girls had left her homework on the kitchen table. I ran for three blocks to the block right before school. I handed her the half-finished homework. She hugged me.

I saw a friend on the street. I was panting for breath, shaking my head. “Someday, we’ll look back and wonder how we did it all,” I said.

“Someday we won’t have to do it all,” she said, catching up with her kids in front of her.

And probably we’ll miss it.

The State of the Union Address

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The President said, “Only parents can make sure the TV is turned off and homework gets done.”

At that moment, I realized my daughters had homework to do but they were laying on my bed watching, Mean Girls 2. Yes, at 10 pm, because of the President’s words, I felt compelled to get up off the couch and tell them to turn off Mean Girls 2. I was not popular.

One of my daughters pleaded, “Let us stay up and do our homework.” The other literally pushed me away from the TV. This is what I deal with.

“We don’t make you not watch your show,” one of my girls tried to reason.

“That’s because my show, The State of the Union Address, is on once a year.” Why even bother.

I wish I knew and was like the president’s mother. When he was a boy, his mom made Barry get up early to do his homework.

Ann Dunham told him at 4:30 in the morning, “This is no picnic for me either, buster.” (But it paid off, because he’s now the president!)

But Obama’s right. It’s up to us. Even if it’s no fun. And it is no fun telling the kids to turn off the TV.  Or reminding them to do their homework.

The President was so right he received a bipartisan standing ovation for that line. Those bipartisan standing Os are not easy to come by.

It’s no picnic, buster.

Motivating for Fitness

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Give the late Jack LaLanne props. Sure, he was a comical character. When I was a kid, my brother John and I would make fun of his TV show — yet he was an uber manly and enthusiastic man, unlike our intellectual (yet, of course, manly) father.

But Jack LaLanne inspired his viewers to get up off their duffs and get fit (and he was an old man when I was a kid). Inspiring others to exercise is not easy. As any hardened Middle School gym  teacher would probably tell you.

LaLanne made fitness look sexy and fun. I went to my lunchtime Pilates class today. It was neither sexy nor fun.

We had to hold the plank position for one minute and I managed 38 seconds. That might be my record. I can’t believe that the rest of the class could do it. I sat on my heels marveling at their ability. I was very jealous.

That was probably the advantage to working out at home with Jack LaLanne — you didn’t have to witness how the rest of the world had much better upper body strength than you (or me). (On YouTube, I checked out Jack LaLanne’s 10-point plan 1. exercise 2. nutrition 3. positive thinking 4. good habits 5. grooming 6. smile 7. posture 8. help others 9. relaxation 10. faith. YES!)

So to commemorate Jack LaLanne, I am going to motivate my kids to get fit tonite. I am going to make them do 50 sit ups, 50 push ups or one minute of plank.

I will join them.  Because I experienced a weird thing after Pilates today. I felt taller. I felt more aligned. Although it was exceedingly cold in NYC today, my lunchtime fitness workout warmed me.

Football Rules

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I played Mighty Might football during the pre-season of 5th grade. I have always felt proud of that. As we head into Super Bowl season, I offer you some life lessons from a girl who played football:

1) Stay nimble. Keep moving. A moving target is harder to hit.

2) Pass the ball. Remember, you play on a team. Give someone else a chance to shine or do that little touchdown dance. I did not play football long enough to dance in the end zone, but I think, for me, as for most people (women?), that is the highlight of watching the game.

3) Look good in your uniform. This, too, is a highlight for spectators (women?). Stay in shape.

4) Behave. You may be creating a fan for life by the way you play and represent your team.

5) Remember you play for a place. I played for the Minnesota Vikings with my Uncle Tom Nierman as my coach. I learned life lessons from him. I still like the Vikings. I like the Chicago Bears better, because I am from Chicago and that is my birth right.

Greg Olsen, permission from creative commons

5) Listen to the coach. At my high school reunion last October, my classmate Joe told me that Uncle Tom was the best coach bar none. Uncle Tom gave pointers to Joe that he remembered throughout his long football career. He gave better advice than Joe’s college football coach. Don’t dis the little league coach.

6) Call time out. Regroup. Recharge. Take all of the time necessary to debrief and plan.

7) Wear protection. Pads, helmet, etc.

I am following my own advice — staying nimble, looking good, recharging.

I am returning this blog to its previous incarnation about my 7 Rules for Living. Last summer and fall, this blog was a place for me to report on my daily visits to random churches. My Church a Day blog was by far my most popular. I received between 70 and 18o readers every time I posted. I loved that.

I began visiting a church a day when my kids were in summer camp. But now that they’re not in camp, I’m finding visiting a church a day a challenge. I may go back to visiting a church a day. I don’t know. The game’s still on.

I still blog daily. If not on this blog —  My 7 Rules site — then I post about:

health and fitness:  http://runningaground.wordpress.com/

my beautiful city: http://mybeautifulnewyork.wordpress.com/

my hopping off the grid: http://gettingmyessayspublished.wordpress.com/

Family Screen Time

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Sometimes I like staring at a screen with my kids, instead of staring at our own individual screens. Tonite the darlings and I played wii. We were yelling at the screen instead of each other. I played horribly in every single wii game, especially wii Fishing and wii Ping Pong. The kids enjoyed how bad I was. They bonded over my ineptitude. That was nice that they bonded.

We were all fairly exhausted. One of my daughters had been to the Met, the other to the Natural History, my son to the basketball court and me? I played games with my colleagues in the 3rd floor conference room at the Leadership Academy. Yes, the workplace academy was a big success. As I’ve mentioned, I love this kind of thing — a chance to deepen friendships, share positive ideas, strategize, commit to change, help other people become leaders. What’s not to love! 

One highlight for our group was learning about and applying the three levels of listening.

1) Listen to yourself. Your thoughts, feelings. (And yes, insecurity lives here.)

2) Listen to the other. With focus, as if to a lover.

3) Listen to the global environment. The vibe.

It made sense. Often I’m stuck in a personal, reflective space when there is a bigger mood I could be aware of.

I would pay (and I have paid) to experience this kind of personal growth — to learn how better I can understand and use my gifts. Instead, I get paid to learn. I love that my job involves so much learning — about myself, about the other, and about the global environment.

Okay, so given that I am competitive and I have to face the reality that I may never beat the darlings at any wii games, I can console myself that I am good at other types of games. Like the game of personal growth. I am curious about the world and what makes other people tick. I love encouraging others. I hope to continue to share this openness and positivity and teach my kids to value learning and their own unique skills.

I hope that the kids and I do not lose ourselves in screens, but if we do, at times, I hope that we can always stop our individual games and learn to play together. Even if we are not gifted with the necessary hand-eye coordination.

When work becomes play — be it the work of parenting or paid work — it really rocks.