So it is an art piece at Brookfield Place near the World Financial Center. Is there a message? Does art need a message? Ten people dressed in white sit calmly. Or walk in silence. Take a break. Write in their journals.
Maybe the performance art piece is meant to prompt reflection.
Because you walk by the reflecting pool to get there, it is hard not to be reflective.
What is silence? Why do we write?
Life tells us to. We do what is required.
We are a part of a performance art piece. We sit and work. People walk by. Some contemplate silence.
So honored to work with United Methodist Women. Here is this month’s column in response.
From the Shelter Island Retreat.
I cried in church last week. The song “Here I Am, Lord” moved me. I was coming to terms with worries and sorrows—my children growing up, and my husband’s Parkinson’s Disease.
I felt embarrassed crying in public, worried that my fellow worshipers would think I was weak or in need of help. I know intellectually that church is a safe place for tears—after all, we cry for joy at weddings or with grief at funerals. But I could not shake the feeling that I should not be crying on an ordinary Sunday. At times, I am caught in this trap of caretaking, feeling I should be the one to comfort others and not need comfort.
Then I remember that it is through our tear-filled, vulnerable moments when we discover what truly matters. The next day I read this quote from Brené Brown in her new book Daring Greatly: “Vulnerability isn’t good or bad. … Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.”
I cry because I am vulnerable and because I care. Perhaps, like me, you have tears for yourself, family, work, church, community, nation or world. After a good cry, we can share our vulnerability. I like to write about my emotions. After expressing feelings, we can then roll up our sleeves and see how to make it better. This can-do attitude, of which United Methodist Women is famous, resonates with me.
Some of the articles in this issue of response offer opportunities to discuss the vulnerable places in our lives and communities. In Rachel Patman’s Bible study, “Holy Nagging: Advocating for Domestic Violence Survivors,” we are led to talk about unequal status and power and control. We can also read one woman’s experience of growing up in an abusive situation and her resolve to not pass on that abuse to her daughter in “Ending the Cycle” by Samantha York.
Take note of “Strengthening the Ties that Bind Us” by Laura Sonnemark for National Justice for Our Neighbors. This story may inspire you to volunteer. Or follow in Dixie Liggett’s footsteps, described in “Having a Heart.” Visit a local community center, send funds to a mission partner on the border or organize a churchwide workshop, providing the facts around the United Methodist policies on immigration. Build a supportive community so that all women feel welcome into United Methodist Women. Notice the times and places where you tear up, be it reading, writing or singing in church on Sunday. Set aside judgment about how women express their vulnerabilities.
After all, emotions are a gift from God, a chance to share our common humanity and show us what really counts. Believe that your prayers and tears are heard. As the first line of the song “Here I Am, Lord” by Daniel Schutte, expresses, “I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry.” Take comfort.
I better not be the only teacher dressed in my jammies today. That could be a real nightmare.
I like School Spirit Week. It seems like when I was in high school the highlight of the school year was Homecoming. And every Friday and Saturday nights, we’d go to all the football and basketball games. But I’m not sure if the jocks would come to our shows — our musicals or as we called them, our ‘straight’ plays. They likely came to our Variety Shows.
I like the fancy night out. I like cake. I like enthusiasm.
Showing spirit and enthusiasm can be anathema to teenagers. Teaching high school I see that the slouchy sarcastic kid is sometimes the revered one. But, of course, the eager, upright kid is just as valuable, (especially to the teacher!)
“Students, show some enthusiasm. Life is short. You are young and beautiful. Smart and creative. Run! Stumble then get up! Run with that idea again!” Still, they slouch.
When I have met my daughters’ teachers, the ones who stood out, the ones we remember are the passionate, enthusiastic ones! People like the charisma of enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is entertaining. Try it!
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
-True enthusiasm is a fine feeling whose flash I admire where-ever I see it. Charlotte Bronte
I don’t think anyone took a bad picture in Central Park today. The beauty of the changing leaves. The sudden sunshine after a grey morning. Reasons to feel grateful. Alive one more day.
I had a ton of chores and work assignments to dedicate myself to this afternoon. But why? Why? Really? My friend called and invited me out to Chamomile Tea near the Sheep’s Meadow. We sat on a tall rock and chatted. Percussionist drumming. Rollerskaters’ disco beat pulsing.
Leaves falling like snowballs.
Riding my bike out of the park on 72nd. Guitarists sit near the Imagine memorial, strum, “All You Need is Love.” Strawberry Fields behind me. Sunset ahead of me.
“Women tend to personalize when things go wrong. (Conversely, give away the credit when things go right.)”
“In small international business ventures, women are less likely to reinvest in their business.”
This was the conversation I walked into at the NYU Alumni Day today. I left my other workshop on Creativity a little early when the psychoanalyst’s powerpoint broke down (and he did not seem that creative with what to do beyond his prepared presentation.)
So I crashed the Stern business school workshop on masterminding mentoring for women.
Here’s an example of a workable way to get a new job: Meet with the new company and let them know, “I’m thinking about what to do next.” Jennifer Gootman advised. She asked them, “What do you need? This is what I love and what I bring. What is it I can do for you?” This came from her reading of Lean In.
Marisa Santoro was also on the panel and shared her productivity secret. It is three-fold:
time management
self-care
systematize
On number 2 she said when you take time for self care, “magical things happen.” Also, “have five power friends.” And a time management tip: stay off Facebook.
Karen Rubin said take small steps. “Take the next step.” This helps build up confidence. She was starting a coaching business and asked her friends, “Do you know anybody who might want coaching?” Even though it was hard, she did it. It got easier. “Push yourself beyond your comfort zone.”
Rubin also said — and I love this — given two groups: the smartest and the most diverse, the most diverse group always makes the best decisions (not the smartest.) And she said that what millennials are looking for are the same things that women are looking for (i.e., to be parents, sane hours, etc.)
Interesting. I never went to business school. But on my NYU reunion day, I get to pretend I did. Inspiring!
This blogging every day has been a slog. I don’t want to complain. I never complain. I complain to my kids that they aren’t picking up after themselves enough, but that’s not complaining. That’s just speaking the truth. I complain that I work too much or get paid too little. But that’s truth too.
I remember skimming a book once, the Complaint Free World, and I quit complaining. And then there were years I quit gossiping for Lent. And I missed it. I missed complaining and gossiping. There’s a nice groove and camaraderie to negativity in the workplace or among other mothers in the playground. We get each other. We bond.
I’m trying to stay positive. Bond that way. Or through my blog. Here are 7 things I’ve learned writing a blog post every day for the month of October.
Pumpkins from an October retreat on Shelter Island.
People like lists of 7 things
It’s more important to be consistent than brilliant.
It feels so nice when readers tell you in person that they like your online writing
You worry that friends or family will take offense at your writing, but they’ll like it
Only 7 blogs to go until the end of October (*I actually have 8, but 7 sounds better!)
Stick to one topic — although you may have a lot to say about at least 7 topics
Joanna and me at the first preview of Shear Madness tonite.
So balmy, people just hung out in the outdoor cafes, drinking in the evening.
On a beautiful warm night towards the end of October, what is more fun than citibiking it over to the theater for some Shear Madness. Tonite was the first preview but the cast had the slamming doors and silly business down pat. The small ensemble was perfect. I found myself laughing out loud when I should’ve been groaning.
The script had a ton of contemporary references (Hillary’s emails and the Mets win!) But the cast never stumbled. Sure, they stuttered. But they were guilty – or were they? You decide! That’s the fun of this production. It’s a beauty shop whodunnit with the audience asking questions of the cast and deciding the identity of the killer.
Funnily enough, I was sure I’d seen this show before — a million years ago in New York, but I was told that it’s only been performed in D.C. and Boston. Maybe I dreamed it. Or maybe tonite’s play was a dream too — A Mid-Autumn’s Night Dream.
***
Thanks to the people of Serino/Coyne and Shear Madness who gave me the ticket and a sip of champagne. But that did not impair my judgment. I still know who did it! And if you go, you’ll know too. But you might have a different take. Go see it, then tell me who you and your fellow audience picks as the killer.
Only the hairdresser knows for sure. But which hairdresser?
A while back, when I had a story published in Salon.com, I felt ashamed. I’d been working hard to get published in a big venue, and then I was. I felt embarrassed, exposed, judged. Of course, the one who judged me most harshly was myself – I had internalized voices from my childhood or extended family members: ‘Don’t get too big for your britches.’ ‘You’re not that important.’ ‘Your house is still messy.’
Addressing our reasons for feeling shame can lead to a quiet (or quieter) soul. I have been talking about this with a friend who wanted to know how my feelings around shame impact my parenting. I don’t know. I try to celebrate my own successes, shortcomings, humanity. I try to model feeling okay about my body (although, yes, I would love to lose a few pounds.) I am enthusiastic about my life — friends, family, work, play — despite very real shortcomings and disappointments.
Walking home from my awesome job today, the sun was shining and it was such a nice warm Autumn day, I said to myself, “God, I’m happy to be alive. How lucky I am. One more day on the face of this earth. This is amazing.” I went to Trader Joe’s and there was no line! I was in heaven. I bought dinner, came home and napped (because a part of me still feels run down.)
I had some one-on-one time with my girls.
I tried to show one of the girls today the Brené Brown Ted Talk about shame, shared by Kelli King-Jackson, that inspired my thinking. But my daughter did not have the time — there’s homework, extracurriculars, plans for the few days ahead
So I share it with you.
And remind you, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
― Brené Brown
I listened to Joseph Goldstein at mindpod. “May my life be a benefit to all.”
Have a kind heart. “In the depth of my heart, I do not hold a grudge against anyone,” Goldstein quotes the Dalai Lama. I feel the same way. I really have no ax to grind against anyone.
“When compassion and emptiness are both present, enlightenment is unavoidable.”
I used to listen to Joseph Goldstein while I was writing. Something about his humility inspires and moves me. He seems able to set aside his ego. I took an afternoon workshop with him one afternoon near St. John the Divine. We did a walking meditation near the fountain. Feeling our feet as they hit the ground, the coming and the going. Being with ourselves. Emptying our thoughts of everything but the present moment.
Goldstein says something like, Our lives tend to revolve around self-centeredness. It’s true. And we look outside ourselves for deep meaning. But sitting quietly once a day helps me find my center. Pay attention.
I sat in the courtyard at Trinity Church after co-teaching Kindergarten. I have a bit of a cold and am starting to feel run down.
I had wanted to see the movie Bridge of Lies, but, after sitting quietly, I’d stopped by the handbag department of Century 21 — a different kind of mindfulness. So many beautiful bags. (I bought one!) I also called my doctor and scheduled my annual physical.
I came home.
The joys of emptiness — this may be why Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up is so effective. And why minimalism works.
I think I should toss out an old purse since I bought a new one. I should tidy. Declutter. But I’m going to read and listen to the rest of Joseph Goldstein. More inspiration:
‘Live in the nowhere, even though we have an address.’
‘Better to stand on the firm ground of emptiness than the quicksand of something-ness.’
Tomorrow I am back in the high school, teaching my 10th Graders. In a day my students go from kindergarten to high school. Just like my own children. In a flash, they’ve grow up. I try to remain a still center.
Years ago, I went to this New Age Spa and we did this laughing meditation. We said Ha! Ha! and pretty soon we were all rolling around the yoga studio, laughing hilariously. It was like magic. A little laughter and everyone was laughing.
I don’t know how it works, but laughter is contagious.
The weather is cold today, like 32 degrees. And I’m not in the mood for winter before fall.
So I am going to think of things that make me happy:
The Mets vs. Cubs – my two favorite teams (I am going to be happy whoever wins!)
My art teachers, especially the smart, crazy Heidi Bound. She always shares her supplies
I have always loved this book by David Shannon.
Reading books to Kindergartners, especially No, David!
My son’s going to visit from college this weekend
Chris and I are going to perform in and produce A Christmas Carol as a fundraiser for refugees this Christmas-time
I have 60,000 miles I have to use or purchase a flight before January
I am going to try and get me and the girls to Cuba
My girls
I am part of the #Write31Day challenge. Hundreds of us are encouraging each other to write every day of October. I chose the theme of mindfulness. And it’s not easy. And I’m not always feeling mindful. But I’m doing it. So there’s that. Today’s inspiration was:
We are a part of a performance art piece. We sit and work. People walk by. Some contemplate silence.
100 Days of Poems and Pics 