Shame Can Lead to Peace

A while back, when I had a story published in Salon.com, I felt ashamed. I’d been working hard to get published in a big venue, and then I was. I felt embarrassed, exposed, judged. Of course, the one who judged me most harshly was myself – I had internalized voices from my childhood or extended family members: ‘Don’t get too big for your britches.’ ‘You’re not that important.’ ‘Your house is still messy.’

Addressing our reasons for feeling shame can lead to a quiet (or quieter) soul. I have been talking about this with a friend who wanted to know how my feelings around shame impact my parenting. I don’t know. I try to celebrate my own successes, shortcomings, humanity. I try to model feeling okay about my body (although, yes, I would love to lose a few pounds.) I am enthusiastic about my life — friends, family, work, play — despite very real shortcomings and disappointments.

Walking home from my awesome job today, the sun was shining and it was such a nice warm Autumn day, I said to myself, “God, I’m happy to be alive. How lucky I am. One more day on the face of this earth. This is amazing.” I went to Trader Joe’s and there was no line! I was in heaven. I bought dinner, came home and napped (because a part of me still feels run down.)

I had some one-on-one time with my girls.

I tried to show one of the girls today the Brené Brown Ted Talk about shame, shared by Kelli King-Jackson, that inspired my thinking. But my daughter did not have the time — there’s homework, extracurriculars, plans for the few days ahead

So I share it with you.

And remind you, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
― Brené Brown

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One thought on “Shame Can Lead to Peace

  1. Great job, it really hit home. So much shame with women, mothering and working, growing old. I’m reading Brene Brown’s new book and the honesty that you both bring to your readers is awesome and makes us (me) feel like we’re in this together,.
    Keep doing what you’re doing! Dru

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