A while back, when I had a story published in Salon.com, I felt ashamed. I’d been working hard to get published in a big venue, and then I was. I felt embarrassed, exposed, judged. Of course, the one who judged me most harshly was myself – I had internalized voices from my childhood or extended family members: ‘Don’t get too big for your britches.’ ‘You’re not that important.’ ‘Your house is still messy.’
Addressing our reasons for feeling shame can lead to a quiet (or quieter) soul. I have been talking about this with a friend who wanted to know how my feelings around shame impact my parenting. I don’t know. I try to celebrate my own successes, shortcomings, humanity. I try to model feeling okay about my body (although, yes, I would love to lose a few pounds.) I am enthusiastic about my life — friends, family, work, play — despite very real shortcomings and disappointments.
Walking home from my awesome job today, the sun was shining and it was such a nice warm Autumn day, I said to myself, “God, I’m happy to be alive. How lucky I am. One more day on the face of this earth. This is amazing.” I went to Trader Joe’s and there was no line! I was in heaven. I bought dinner, came home and napped (because a part of me still feels run down.)
I had some one-on-one time with my girls.
I tried to show one of the girls today the Brené Brown Ted Talk about shame, shared by Kelli King-Jackson, that inspired my thinking. But my daughter did not have the time — there’s homework, extracurriculars, plans for the few days ahead
So I share it with you.
And remind you, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
― Brené Brown