Tag: slowing down

10 Minutes of Nothing

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I sat outside for 10 minutes at lunch time. I did nothing. I closed my eyes.

This video inspired me. Taking a 10-minute break connected me to my senses. I felt the sun on the back of my neck. I heard hip hop music from a car stopped at a traffic light nearby. I opened my eyes and saw a sparrow, a few feet away, tilt its head.

I thought about the mastercard bill I have to pay. I strategized about meeting my daughter before one play practice today and after another. I wondered if it would be good enough if she had only a slice of pizza for dinner.

I felt some things. I thought some things. But I did not get bogged down in my thoughts or feelings. I hopped from thing to thing like the sparrow.

There may have been a few moments when I entered a state beyond thinking or feeling. I drifted into the sky. I saw a gold frame against the sky. What happens when you frame infinity? I thought, How funny – that there are stars in the sky during the daytime too. I don’t see the stars, but I know they’re there.

I thought, I have to work on my Magical Realism curriculum for the 10th grade World Lit class tomorrow. I added that to the part of my mind that contains the long To Do list.

I slowed my breathing. I glanced at my phone 9 minutes had gone by. One more minute to sit. One more minute to think about nothing. Closed my eyes. Heard a strange tapping. Then, I heard footsteps crunching. I opened my eyes. A mother and her teenage son walked in front of me, serious, going somewhere.

Meditation is watching a movie in my mind. Being a bystander. Not hopping on stage. I am not the star of the film; I am a witness.

Focus. Calm. Clarity.

***

I learned about this video and 12 others that inspire at Let Why Lead. We are part of the 31 days of writing campaign.

In the Slow Lane

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When Chris was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease nearly ten years ago, more than one family member said, “Now you’ll slow down.”

I thought the same thing. And I thought this again as I left my full time work almost five months ago. I will relax more, volunteer more, work out more, write more. I will do all of these things and I will slow down.

Um, not so much.

As my husband slows down, I feel inclined to twirl in my life twice as fast.

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Last week my daughter and I went to New Jersey for a camp reunion. This was the view that late afternoon.

I know I overdo. One day last week, I left the house at 7:45 am and got home at 9:30 pm. This was the fourth day in a row with these kind of hours. I had so much to do!!!

On any given day, I like experiencing a variety of settings — the after school office, spinning class, lunch with a girlfriend, free wifi at the local cafe, teaching, subway to SoHo, a meeting about my short comedy film, happy hour.

The only time I am in the slow lane is when I run. My goal is always to run a 13-minute mile.

Having a spouse with a chronic illness has made me want to get out there and interact with the world more, because, at times, the sadness of the disease’s progression simply brings me down and I cannot stay there.

Yet as lively as I want my outside world to be, I want my inside home to be a safe harbor and a cozy nest. This mama bird wants to fly back home with a mouth full of worms. I want to chill in front of the TV with my chicks.

And I want to do it now because I know my chicks are going to start to fly away soon.

Kinder and Less Rushed

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My kids put each other down. My neighbors rush past one another with barely a nod. My colleagues talk to one another without looking up from their computer screens. I, too, am critical, avoid eye contact and value projects more than people.

But wait! What am I doing? What is my purpose?

I believe I was put on this earth to create community, to write, to teach, to parent, and to love well. So, in that case, I might as well slow down and get to it.

Yesterday, my friend sent me this link: Business Etiquette. It makes good sense, especially:

  • #4 Focus on the Face, Not the Screen
  • #5, Don’t Judge
  • And I’d add #6 Don’t Rush

Sometimes I think my days should have themes. Perhaps —

  • Monday is for in-depth writing.
  • Tuesday is for kindness and courtesy.
  • Wednesday is anti-procrastination day (thanks, Flylady!).
  • Thursday is for teaching, training, networking.
  • Friday is for more writing and creating community.
  • Saturday and Sunday, rinse and repeat (and do the laundry).

I also want to return to living My Rules. I want Good Orderly Direction — GOD!

And just to keep myself accountable, for the next 10 days, I am going to post every day either here or at mbcoudal.com.

Because it’s good to have a plan, even if I don’t stick to it.

And my plan is to be less rushed at work and kinder at home; (yes, kinder at work and less rushed at home).

So, stop and smell the flowers in Riverside Park. That kind of thing.

Running Without a Soundtrack

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The silence running in the country was deafening.

I could not find my head phones. I usually run with ear buds listening to Pandora and the Omar Shariff sound-alike who calculates the distance of my run on my Cardio Trainer app.

I like running to Britney Spears songs like Piece of Me or Pat Benatar’s Hit Me with Your Best Shot. I think, “Yay, world, hit me. Try getting a piece of this.”

I know, I know. I am delirious after just five minutes of running, wondering, Is it time to take that well-deserved water break or walk yet? The music keeps me going.

So running without Britney, Pat or Omar, I felt a twinge of loneliness. The steadiest sound was the scraping labor of my own breath. Then the silence came alive.

running on a country road

There was a cawing of a crow, an old Buick rounding a corner, the wind swishing the hay in the field, and in the mix, my breath.

My breath was just a speck on the country road. Running helps you figure out where you fit in, a small piece in a big picture.

For this epiphany I rewarded myself by slowing down and walking.