Category: Publishing

I did not write today

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I did not start my day writing. I usually wake at 6:30 to write my morning pages. Every day, three long-hand pages. Just about every single day for the last 10 years, inspired by Julia Cameron’s creativity course, The Artist’s Way. But I wasn’t feeling it today.

I did not write about the sacred or the profane. I did not write about the underside of leaves. The way they turn white when the wind blows on an early summer day as I ride my bike through Riverside Park.

I did not write about my kids. Or my woes — the way I feel lonely or overworked or unaccomplished. No, I did not write about any of that today.

But I wrote about what I did not write about. So I wrote something. I wrote this. This.

And this is all.

Your Messy Life

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It’s amazing that when authors admit their flaws, weaknesses, suckishness on their blogs or in books like Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years,” people love it. Admitting you have a lousy life frees people to admit they do too. Being brutally honest creates some kind of safety net or hope.

If I blog about how awesome I am, how brilliant my kids are, how pristine my house is, I will lose readers. But if I write, ‘Dangit, I am having the worst day. My husband and my job are so annoying.  My kids are spoiled. I have caught three mice in my kitchen over the last month,’ I will keep my 29 readers (and hope to eventually lose the mice). 

I don’t know why this works. Maybe readers feel, ‘Thank God I don’t have her life. She’s a mess. My life’s not so bad. My house is much tidier.’

The trick is not to make the everyday honesty seem like a perpetual state of complaining or whining. Throw in a little bit of your awesomeness after you hook people with your chaos.

And make the mess of your true life story seem real and funny. Like, you don’t take yourself or your sucky life all that seriously. Because it is true, this difficult life will pass, perhaps to be replaced by challenges even more difficult, and therefore potentially even more humorous.

My advice to bloggers? Throw open the curtains to the mess of your life and you find you are not alone.

So you open the shades wide into the living room of your difficult life and let everyone, including the sunshine, in. Let the party start. Eventually, the party will wind down. Let everyone go to home.

And then, close your curtains again. Create mystery. I’m not really sure how to do this. I personally am much more with the TMI camp — I like hearing all the details about peoples’ messy lives. I don’t like that my life is difficult. But I like that your life is difficult. That makes me happy – and human.

People Like Unfinished Business

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Brokenness and rawness are cool. I was reading Don Miller’s book. http://donmilleris.com/

Tom (Hazelwood) suggested I read “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing my Life.” I so loved it. I loved that Miller talked about being a fat kid. I loved that he talked about longing for a woman who did not long for him. About his shame at being a couch potato, about wanting life to be about big adventures. I loved that he admitted his  imperfections, was honest about his struggles. I loved that he talked about his dad’s beer drinking. I loved that he was funny.

I love people’s unfinished and messy business. I like reading blogs where people are working things out — like yesterday’s freshly pressed:

http://theycallmejane.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/al-and-tipper-john-and-jane-were-all-fighting-some-kind-of-battle/

I’ve noticed when I express my struggles on my Facebook status updates — like “I’m so lame I let my kids stay up too late,” or “I’m depressed so I am going to the Met” —  I get lots of feedback, discussion, thumbs up, “likes.” But when I go, “I’m awesome. I invented bike riding in New York City”? Crickets.

So long as you don’t wallow in your negativity. So long as you bring some humor to your struggle. So long as life is lived in “an atmosphere of growth.” That quote’s a paraphrase from “The Happiness Project,” another awesome memoir about trying to keep it together. But I think Gretchen Rubin could’ve been even more honest about her struggle.

Because it’s true, we’ve all got some kind of struggle, not just Tipper and Al.

People identify with lovable losers. With losers who are trying to win. We like the underdog, the schlump, the Don Miller. Maybe we identify. Or maybe we think, ‘At least, I’m not that bad.’ It can be hard to be honest, but it’s a good way to win readers’ hearts.  Maybe, like Miller, it’s a good way to write a bestseller and snatch a movie deal, “Blue Like Jazz,” too. Okay, I’m jealous.

PDF Submission

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So for the first time I submitted a story in PDF form. I sent “Going to Mystic” to the New Yorker and I really hope it does NOT get accepted because then I might have a little explaining to do. Oh wait, I submitted it to the Fiction Department, that’s right that story’s fiction! Thank God!

I consider myself a techie. I did not think I had the capacity to convert my Word story into a PDF. What about all those other lonely non-techie writers? I wonder how they get their stuff published. But I was clever. I downloaded a free trial version of Adobe. I let my computer install the program all weekend. Now, I feel like I have to do all of my on-line PDF submissions in the next month while my free version of Adobe lasts.

I’m fairly sure I will get some story accepted for publication in the next month. I’ve got four stories at three different places – two at Good Housekeeping, one at The New Yorker, and one at Bitch Magazine. I hope they pay a lot because I’ll need to make enough money to buy a version of that software so I can continue to submit for publication.

Too Many Friends?

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I like to read book reviews. That way, I feel I’ve kind of read the book. So after reading a Q&A with Brian McLaren, “A New Kind of Christianity” in the UMReporter, I thought “This guy and me — we are on the same page. We should be friends.”

I didn’t want to be real friends, just jokey cyberfriends. So I Facebooked him. He would not me be my first friend on Facebook whom I have never met in person. Brian and I have several mutual friends, including Jim Wallis.

Yup, Bri was on Facebook. I found his profile but instead of a picture of himself, there was a picture of his book. A cool book cover with a vine-covered Celtic cross. It was the book that had the review I liked. Not a review actually. Even easier to read than an actual whole book review — a Q&A.

“Great, we’ll be cyberfriends,” I thought. We are both into the New Age Christianity Movement mentality. “Good ‘ole Bri,” I think as I clicked on the handy-dandy, “Add as Friend” button. And you know what? It said that Bri has “too many friends.” Yup, he topped out at 4,813 friends.

Now who sets the limit of friendship? Did Bri tell Facebook? “When I hit 4,813, I’m done. No more. Basta!” Or did Facebook say, “This guys’ friends are clogging up our works, like photos on a hard drive, slowing our system down? He’s done!”

I heard this happened to a friend of mine with Don Cheadle. She actually had a tenuous friendship with him and wanted to Friend him. And yup, too many friends for good old Don, too.

Now, I can kind of understand Don Cheadle having too many friends. He’s a movie star and a director and well, famous. But have any of you ever heard of Brian McLaren? What’s so great about him? Why does he get to have so many friends? I’m just like Bri and I still have room for friends.

Also, what’s all this about a new brand of Christianity if there aren’t room for more friends? I don’t know. I’m digressing. That’s the point of a blog I guess.

What I’m really trying to say is “Why does Bri have more friends than me? Why can’t I develop a cult following like Bri?” I’m going to assume it has something to do with his book cover and the fact that I don’t currently have a book out right now. Let alone a cool, hip, rethink church book.

No, in case you’re wondering, I’m not jealous. I’m just curious. Why Bri? And why not me?

Christian Ashram

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Dear R.,

Great to see you and meet you at the Religion Communication Congress in Chicago. Great event!

Really enjoyed the article on the Christian Ashram: “Ashram draws followers from across country” by Mallory McCall, Apr 23, 2010.

I recently spent the night at a retreat center/monastery with my son. It was a little spooky AND very peaceful. Here is my blog about it. https://mbcoudal.wordpress.com/2010/04/01/greymoor-ecumenical/

Retreats! I love the Women’s Division-sponsored Schools of Christian Mission. For me — to learn, to pray, to sing, to share meals, to worship, to simply be! It is so restorative!

Also, I’ve recently been thinking about retreats as an authentic experience with God. We often hear about Eastern faiths that include meditative practices. Yet Christian faith has a long history of meditation as a spiritual practice as well. We all need that direct and unfiltered time with God. I believe this is the reason that world religions which include and encourage retreats are so popular – in this multitasking world, people need time apart.

In the United Methodist Reporter article, Sandra Hancock says she waited until her children were grown to experience the Christian ashram. Yet, I encourage and invite women and parents with children of all ages not to wait. Consider a retreat with their local United Methodist Women or Conference School of Mission now. I’ve taken all three of my kids to schools of mission. They love them. Tons of schools of mission happen all over the United States, often in June – at retreat centers, college campuses, church basements – and they are awesome.

To learn more about School of Christian Mission in your area, ask your local United Methodist Woman or United Methodist Conference leader. – mb

PS I’m cc’ing colleagues who might be interested in the UMReporter article. http://umportal.org/article.asp?id=6677

Everyman News

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This book is again overdue at the library. I’m returning it today.

The subtitle is “The Changing American Front Page.” This awesome book by Michele Weldon is chock-full of really interesting facts about trends in journalism. One trend? Feature-style writing is taking over the front page.

The casual tone of bloggers is seeping into the mainstream. Of course, I like that. I like that blogging, too, is seen as journalism. In 2008, seven out of eight presidential candidates attended the second annual YearlyKos convention for bloggers. Everyone was there except Joe Biden. Awww, Joe, you missed that party.

Another trend? Ever since Katrina and 9/11, journalists have paid more attention to “unofficial” sources. That is, if you only listened to You’re-doing-a-heckova-job-Brownie, “official” sources, you’d never know there were people sleeping in the Astrodome in New Orleans. The person on the street keeps us honest. And keeps us real.

The shared emotional experience of 9/11 made us want to talk about the news from a more personal POV. There was little in the way of facts at first, but there was lots in the way of feelings.

I have to say I struggle with this at work where I get the feeling that the old guard wants more detached journalism, more news, less personal voice, less narrative, less feature-style reporting. Features = my specialty.

See, I want to present stories in all their emotional rawness. I want to present the human angle. And I want to get the facts straight, research the quotes, remain objective.

No wonder this writer, dear reader, feels confused.

There’s lots of juicy bits in this book for journalists: in 2005, 73 percent of all the Pulitzer-prize winning stories had anecdotal or narrative leads. People dig narrative. It hits you in the heart AND the head.

I’m just sorry I have to return “Everyman News” before I’ve finished it. But that may be another trend. We read less. And then, we keep things out of the library too long and have to pay a fine.

Any way, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be at the New York Public library. http://www.nypl.org/locations/morningside-heights

Big Answers on Small Screens

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I like knowing where to find answers to life’s mysteries.

“And the answer is seen on that little screen. The answer is seen on that screen,” sung to the tune of the “Blowing in the Wind.” Everybody now, join in.

Ken Medema improvised this song at the Religion Communication Congress in Chicago this weekend right after hearing Jeffrey Cole, director for the Center for the Digital Future at University of Southern California. Like so much of the RCCongress 2010, Medema and Cole were brilliant. 

We are finding answers to life’s mysteries on small screens — for most of us, on our phones. In the near future, 5 billion out of the world’s 6 billion people will have cell phones. We will use our phones more than our computers or televisions (or iPads?).

I don’t know what this mean for people (like me) looking for big answers.  

Cole reported that in 35 years the amount of time we spend in front of screens has doubled. In 1975, we spent 16 hours in front of screens. In 2010, we spent 34 hours per week in front of screens.

That’s a lot. Too much, really, doncha think?

When is the TV turn off week? (To find out, I’ll Google TV Turn Off Week.) Let’s make it this week. I’m going to have my children turn off their Xbox and laptops. And yes, their cell phones. (You may want to share your experience or opinion on TV Turn Off Week on this blog. Or don’t. Just go outside and take a walk in the park.)

I just walked in Grant Park with my aunt. We wandered. We found a bench to sit. We people watched. We dog watched.

We discussed books we’d read. I told her how I loved “Let the Great World Spin” by Colum McCann. She didn’t really like “Wolf Hall.” Both were book club selections. So was “The Happiness Project.” I told her how in that book Gretchen Rubin describes having to put ‘Wander’ up on her checklist of things to do. We have trouble wandering. Aunt Kathy told me about a woman who followed Oprah’s advice for a year. We are searching.

We are searching the internet; we are asking each other. We are wandering. I am writing this on the plane from Chicago. A man just walked down the aisle with a tee shirt that said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”

So, let’s follow that advice and not act lost. Let’s pretend that when we wander we find the answers. Let’s pretend that the answer will come as we wander. Let’s pretend that the screens will reveal answers.

I read in the New York Times that James Cameron showed his film, “Avatar,” to indigenous peoples and leaders in Brazil. He said the real-life plight of preserving the people’s land was like the plight of the animated peoples fighting for their wandering island.

So the answer for the people in Brazil was found on the big screen, which you probably could view on a small screen.

My small answer to this big question is to turn off the screen. Maybe just for a week. During that time I hope to wander and find a spot on a park bench.

Gender Bias in the News

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One on-going topic at the Religion Communication Congress 2010 is: What makes for a good religion story?

 Manya Brachear, religion reporter at the Chicago Tribune, answered this question in a provocative workshop. She is looking for “emotionally engaging stories.” To find them, she sometimes looks at Google’s Hot Trends. She eavesdrops on what she calls the “national conversation.”

But perhaps the national conversation as determined by the Tribune, the New York Times or Google is not the national conversation that the average Josephine is engaged in. I get the feeling that emotionally engaging stories told by the Average Joe are more impressive than the very same stories told by the Average Jo.

Ms. Brachear described one of her own favorite stories for the Tribune, a story she wrote about Rev. Phil Blackwell of a Chicago United Methodist Church who visited his ageing high school teacher.

Mitch Albom, in his opening address at the Religion Communication Congress, spoke of visiting his former rabbi and helping repair a church in Detroit.

I don’t deny the awesomeness of these men for visiting these awesome people and doing these awesome things. I do think their stories are more appealing to the mainstream because they are about men.

Women, in all their awesomeness, are doing the very same things —  visiting former teachers and helping rebuild churches. But I am not hearing their stories. Those are more ordinary examples of compassion.

I think we need to move the national conversation to one that includes ordinary woman’s stories and women’s issues. What are women’s issues? Women care about compassion, poverty, justice, equality and systemic change. Systemic change is not very sexy. Not as sexy as Tiger Woods’ infidelity, of which I am on record as not being at all interested in. I am not a part of that national conversation.

Thursday’s workshop from the Global Media Monitoring Project 2010 asked Who Makes the News? Pretty eye-opening. In mainstream media, women’s stories are told 24% of the time as opposed to men’s. Looking for an expert on TV? 80% likely you’ll find a man, unless you’re asking in general for a public opinion then perhaps it’s 50% likely to be a woman.

How do writers and editors bring women’s voices into the mainstream so that the stories are more equitably the stories of all of humanity? We can start by just realizing that we have to represent when we write our stories and choose the issues that headline our news. Just engaging in this dialogue and asking these questions, I think, will move us into a new era of  personal, engaging, and good stories. Not just for women, but for everyone!

Sacred Chow

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At lunch time, the author and pastor Donna Schaper spoke about creating community and communion through food. She was awesome.

The discussion reminded me of last summer when I taught the the adult spiritual study, “Food & Faith” in the schools of mission at Western Connecticut State University and at Dillard University in New Orleans. I loved hearing people’s rich stories of food memories.

One older woman remembered being on the farm, sitting at a picnic table with relatives of many ages after a barn raising. Food was definitely both a fueling and a feasting. Donna wrote about this kind of communion in her book, “Sacred Chow.”

Food has the capacity to bring us together. But there is also, as Donna mentioned, a divisiveness or a righteousness when we discuss food. We’re right about the way we eat and others aren’t.

There are small, good, spiritual things we can do with food, including writing about food, teaching about food and faith, saying grace, opting out of corporate food manufacturers’ offerings, choosing farmstand foods. We can also remember our childhood dinner tables.

When I was a kid, we took the phone off the hook. All seven of us ate dinner together in the dining room every night. We argued, we discussed the day, we ate. I’m going home to get that party started right now.

Donna Schaper spoke as part of Raising Women’s Voices, workshops on women and health offered by the Interchurch Center. Interesting that the event came on the heels of the healthcare legislation.

Schools of Christian Mission are dynamic adult learning opportunities offered in thousands of venues usually in the summer for United Methodist Women and their friends.