Tag: unplugged

Boys Are People Too

Published on by mbcoudal3 Comments
English: , American author
Rosalind Wiseman, courtesy of Wikipedia

I have blogged about my son driving me insane with his Xbox habit.

At Trinity School last night I got some insights into my son and his boy culture. Rosalind Wiseman spoke about the social pressures and dynamics of being a young man in today’s hyper connected world, based on research from her new book, Masterminds & Wingmen.

Here were some of my take aways:

We say to girls, “‘You can do it. You can do anything.’ And girls have a vibrant support system.” Wiseman is not knocking this important empowerment base for girls — after all, she’s also the author of Queen Bees & Wannabes so she knows girls. But Wiseman says, ‘If you are a 13-year old boy, you don’t see that you have power.” Because, at 13, a boy is still a boy and a girl is a young woman.

Wiseman likened the emotional life of 11th grade boys to 8th grade girls. This cracked me up. This is who I’ve got at home!

For her book, Wiseman interviewed 200 boys and 40 girls. She came away with some surprises.

One gem? “Straight theater boys get more hookups than football players.” (All right! Let’s hear it for the theater boys.)

More gems:

Happiness is …

  •  Meaning beyond one’s self
  • Hope of success
  • Social connection
  • Satisfying work

I love archetypes. And Wiseman, with the boys she interviewed, came up with some types:
The Mastermind
The Associate
The Bouncer
The Fly
The Entertainer
The Punching Bag
A Conscience

But these boys don’t mind being stereotyped. Remember that rule for happiness? They are happy to have social connections.

I loved Wiseman’s advice to a boy when he criticizes another boy’s sensitivity, “You cannot deny someone’s emotional truth.” So true!

She also says, “There is a difference between snitching and reporting.”

And this! “It is a social skill to get help.” One mom I chatted with after Wiseman’s presentation said she she was going to put this quote on sticky notes all over the house.

When a boy comes to a parent with bad news, here’s what to say, “1. I’m sorry this happened. 2. It’s hard to come forward. I respect that you did. 3, Now let’s think about what we can do about this.”

And when there’s conflict, expect push back.

When you get a “Bad news bomb,” Wiseman says a parent can realize:

  • This is one moment, not a lifetime.
  • Don’t make excuses.
  • Ask for what you need.
  • If it gets heated, you might say, “Let’s talk in 10 minutes. I can’t hear you over the sound of my heart beating so loud in my ears.”

I am going to try and talk about the tough stuff with my son. Wiseman advises, ‘Talk to your son about falling in love and breaking up. Don’t expect the generic advice to ‘respect a girl’ to be useful, especially at a party. What does respect mean?’

Boys, like girls, feel used and confused over relationships. Some boys asked Wiseman how to deal with aggressive drunk girls.

Wiseman began her lecture with a scenario of how one boy felt shamed by other boys’ comments around his body. Yes, body image is important to boys.

This lecture helped me realize my son’s “emotional life is deep and rich.”

Even though my boy always seems to have some tech thing in his hand, he still needs his hand held!

And I’m going to hold his hand — and yes, embarrass the hell out of him while doing so.

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Rosalind Wiseman talks about boy culture.

Quoted

Published on by mbcoudal1 Comment

Yesterday I grabbed a newspaper off my desk to read while waiting for the Riverside bus home. I found the cover story, “Unplugged: Tech sabbath strengthens connection to God,” very interesting, because I frequently contemplate and write about How much connectedness do we really need? And then I found the article extremely interesting and surprising and yes, smart, because I was quoted in it. http://www.umportal.org/article.asp?id=7622

I loved this article written by Mary Jacobs for the The United Methodist Reporter, especially upon seeing my own name. I thought, wow, I’m an expert and I’m quotable. I kept reading the article hoping I might be quoted again. But I was not. Still, I was excited.

As soon as I walked in the door I bragged to my son, “Hey, I’m quoted in a newspaper article.”

“What did you say?” he asked. So I read him my quotable quote:

Mr. Burton-Edwards thinks multi-tasking can fragment the spirit and soul, too. Constant interruptions affect our ability “to be attentive to people, and to be in the moment,” he says. “They wreak havoc on our focus.”

Mary Beth Coudal, a staff writer for the General Board of Global Ministries, has seen that in herself.

“Social media has contributed to my short attention span,” she writes in a blog. “I’m beginning to wonder if this constant social media chatter is drowning out my ability to listen to the ‘still, small voice of God.’” She cited a co-worker who called the constant digital distraction “a traffic jam in my mind.”

My son was unimpressed. In fact, he was dismissive, “You sound like a religious freak. Like a crazy killer obsessed with God who hears voices.” I was amused AND offended.

I was taking a hiatus from blogging, but seeing my name in a newspaper article reinvigorated my commitment to my daily blog postings, including this one, dedicated to the Connected Life.

When you’re quoted once, you want to be quoted again.

Horizontal and No TV

Published on by mbcoudalLeave a comment

1/1/10 A vacay that is mostly horizontal is very nice. I had planned yesterday to walk the length of the beach as I had with Joanna on that first (or was it second?) morning in Akumal. But inertia sets in.

Instead, I lay at the pool, arguing with my brother in law about why my little family could not blow up our TV, as he advised. When raising their boys, Jeff and E did not have a television.

I said, “Chris and I both work or worked in television. It’s disingenuous to give it up.”

“That’s like, if your mother worked in a brothel, you shouldn’t keep your kids from working in a brothel,” Jeff argued. I don’t think TV’s as bad as a brothel.

My kids sat on our lounge chairs piping in, “But what about Glee? If we gave up TV, we’d have to give up Glee and American Idol.” But the kids were much more on board with the idea of “No Television” than I would have thought. They’re more on board with it than I am.

Hayden listed all of his friends whom he plays sports with outdoors.

Catherine agreed with Jeff — we should take the television out to the field in front of Skenewood and simply shoot the TV. Charlotte just stared at the surf.