Tag: asking for help

Asking for Help

Published on by mbcoudal2 Comments

Do you ever borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor?

Asking for help — even a half-cup of help — is difficult for most of us. We  like to be the helpers, not the helped.

I have borrowed an egg or sugar from a neighbor. I’ve got several go-to neighbors in our apartment building. I’ve done it more than once.

Honestly, I’ve usually sent the kids to do my borrowing. (The same way I’ve sent them to the subway musician with a dollar to put in an open guitar case.) Kids are good at doing the begging, borrowing and paying out for the parents.

I’ve been thinking about all of this while reading The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine. She says:

Women often slide into unhealthy dependency when we turn to our children for the loving connections missing in our adult relationships…The idea of trekking over to a neighbor’s house when the pantry is short an item or two seems almost laughable now. The easy camaraderie that existed among working-class women, a function of both desire and necessity has been lost to take-out food, housekeepers and a fear that revealing our problems, no mater how incidental, will result not in support but in embarrassment.

Hmmmm, yes. To counter the self-reliance I feel imposed on me (by who? my church? my education? my status?) I’ve made my Rule Number One: Pile on the People. While I don’t like asking for help from anyone, I do need it.  A husband with Parkinson’s Disease, three kids, a full-time job and a time-consuming writing habit, I, in fact, need all the help I can get. (Another mantra — draw the circle wide.)

There is a benefit not just for us, the borrowers, but for the friend across the hall, the one whom we borrowed from. In exchange for the egg that she lent (gave) us, she received a handful of warm kid-made peanut butter cookies. I wanted to take a picture of the cookies to post on the blog, but there are only a few crumbs left. 

(I wrote about this book on my other blog, my blog about writing and being connected: http://gettingmyessayspublished.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/a-generation-of-disconnected-kids/)

Making Beauty

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A home should be a nest, a cocoon, a snuggly sanctuary. But beauty, creativity, comfort takes time. Three-day weekends are perfect for making the crib cozy.

Late Saturday afternoon, I was staring at our newly painted walls, thinking, “I should put some art up.” Several of my friends who are very good at decorating have offered to help. So I called one of them, my friend, J.

I hedged, “Hey, someday, could you come over and help me hang some art?”

“I think I can come tonite,” she said. Wow. I was in luck but I didn’t know if I was ready. I got H. to help me dig a bunch of paintings out of the top shelf of my cluttered dining room closet. J. mentioned she loves my art collection. But like a lot of my life, I find it embarassing and eclectic.

Another friend, L., redecorated my bedroom and H.’s room a few years ago. They look awesome. I’m incredibly lucky to have such lovely, talented friends!

After this Saturday night decorating session, the room looked great. But it took some time. That’s the thing. I usually slap things up on the wall but I’ve learned a lesson from my friends. You have to measure. You have to add and divide fractions. That is not easy for me. But it’s worth it. The room feels artsy Bohemian now.

I have one theory that travel begets travel — Like, when you’re on one trip, you should always plan your next. But I have a theory about art too. Beauty creates more beauty. Creativity inspires creativity. And art encourages art. And we should all beautify, create and indulge in art. The world would be a better place if we did.

Tonite the kids and I spent hours making art at the dining room table.