I really yelled at the kids.
“I am working all day, then I come home and I work all night.” I was trapped in the kitchen, lonely, scrubbing pots and pans, loading dishes into the dishwasher. Chris had used every cooking utensil we own to prepare a fancy dinner for a neighbor who’d just come home from surgery.
It was probably the most beautiful night in the history of beautiful nights and I was Cinderella. I’d have preferred eating a PB&J in the park, wiggling my toes in the long summer grass.
I have a Cinderella complex, love to feel martyr-ed and uninvited to the party. But remember Cinderella did get one free night. And on that night, she partied hard. That could be me.
I know I should insist that my kids help. A friend in a caregivers support group said that in looking back at her kids’ childhoods, she regretted doing everything for them — like me, she did so much for her kids because she felt sorry for them and for the fact that their dad had a chronic illness. I don’t want that regret.
Yes, in the school year, I do more for the kids because they have homework or they’re tired. But right now, they’re all out of school. “And kids, Mommy’s tired too.” It’s true I love my job, but it can be tiring. I wish I lived in the 1950s where the breadwinner comes home, puts his feet on the ottoman, reads the paper and drinks a high ball. Maybe I’ll do that when the kids go to camp. ‘Cause I want to be lazy too.
Until then, I will keep crossing off items from my summer bucket list.
- Hold a baby
Go to the IWWG (International Women’s Writing Guild) conference at Yale http://www.iwwg.org/2011-summer-conference
- Take art classes with my father and sister in Vermont http://www.black-horse.com/PDF/Art%20Event%20Flyer%202010.pdf
Take H. and his friends to 6 Flags for his birthday Continue to work hard and have passion for my day job
- Take family to Ocean Grove, NJ, Jones Beach, or Shelter Island over 4th of July weekend
Keep writing every day Toes in the grass and picnics in Riverside Park as often as weather allows Get a mani-pedi
- Join Improv or comedy class
- Meet with agent again on book
- Revisit my young adult novel
- Read all books for book clubs
Keep working out every day — tennis, Pilates, biking, or running
- Visit a church a day once kids go to camp