Day: August 18, 2009

#4

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Cultivate a Secret Garden

I’d rather not say too much. After all, it is a secret. But you can plant your own secret garden — a hobby, a small indulgence, a pleasure, a journal.

Sometimes I feel my life is so public — everyone knows everything. I give so much to so many. This is my one little private thing.

A secret garden is fragile, yet mustn’t be fussed over.

You mustn’t plant it in the middle of a big open filed. It must be hidden and sheltered — a little hard to find.

There is a secret garden at Skenewood, my husband’s family house. You have to lean way out over a balcony to see it. It is close to the wall. It’s hard to prune or weed, but once you find it — wow — it’s a little miracle.

Keep your secret garden close to the chest, like a handful of aces.

Whenever I have told my friends about my seven rules for living, and I rattle them off, this is the one that prompts inquiry.

“Let’s go back to Number Four — a secret garden?”

No. Sorry. And say no more.

Surrender & Persist

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….ask me what I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for. – Thomas Merton

I am living for the kids. Sometimes I joke, “I’m just holding it together for 10 more years until the kids are grown. Then I’m going to let it all go. I’m going to drink and smoke and be promiscuous.” But I’m not really going to do that. I’m not going to wait to crash once my twins are snuggled into their freshman dorm rooms. No, I’m going to crash gently now. And not wait 10 years.

Like Sully above the Hudson River, I can see my life has real mechanical failures, so I’m going to try to bring the jet down gracefully on some makeshift runway.

I’m finding the path of least resistance now. And as I see it, the path is towards — God, it sounds corny; but here you have it — greater loving.

To take this path, I have 7 rules to live by. These rules were developed by me and my friend Lindsay Pontius after we had several glasses of champagne at the Yacht Club –sounds so deliciously decadent. It was Lindsay’s birthday and we wrote our rules on a wet napkin with a felt tip marker we’d borrowed from the waitress.

I’ve told several friends my 7 rules and one or two suggested I jot them down on something more lasting than a torn napkin. So here you have it. My 7 Rules on the path of Loving.

Until you get to them, I suggest you hold it together. Or, if you have to crash, try to take it down gently.

The path is easy. But like all worthy endeavors, it requires a mix of seizing and letting go of your own power. The path requires persistence and surrender. Persist or give up. It’s up to you.